Hey girls/guys,

I am going to try and keep this short as I know it can be quite annoying when it’s pretty long so here goes:

So, I’m 17 years old and overall I’ve been in a relationship for about a year. The first 9 months were really nice and things were going great until me and my boyfriend had an argument. I said things that hurt him, for example, I said that is never there for me when in reality he was and is...we both said things we definitely didn’t mean. Anyway, because of this he felt like he couldn’t forgive me and he wanted to go on a break. This was very hard for me because I loved him so much and I still wanted us to be together so badly. Anyway, we ended up breaking up. This was so so hard for me. Our break up was for about 6/7 weeks. Although that may not sound like a long time, it definitely felt really horrible and long to me. My anxiety got so much worse and I felt really depressed. I also stopped eating because I felt so ill and just broken, I lost my appetite and I definitely did lose quite a bit of weight. My parents also got worried for me too which I felt bad for. I found out that he was meeting this girl we were hasn’t officially broken up yet as well which made me lose a lot of trust for him because I didn’t think that he would ever do that and it hurt me so much. Whilst we were ‘broke up’ he was messaging me at least once or twice a week and we would always End up arguing. It felt like he didn’t want to let go of me yet he said he wanted to break up. This was also very frustrating for me. During this break, he also got together with another girl but for a very short period of time. I think for about 2 weeks. This was obviously so hard for me because I just had to watch all of this happen whilst I still desperately wanted to be with him. It also made me realise that he lost all respect for me and I started to wonder whether he was actually hurt by any of this or whether there was another girl all along. After this, a few weeks later he called me randomly and he ended up pouring his heart out to me and admitting he wanted me back and that he was sorry. He said that because the argument hurt him so much he really did need a break but he was in denial the whole time. After a lot of tears and a lot of truth being shared we decided to get back together. It took a while to get back into things but it was okay.

Fast forward to now. We have been together for about 3 months now. Our relationship is fine and we don’t actually argue as much as we used to which is amazing and he does support me and appreciate me. So that side of the relationship is good. I do feel happy with him and I always enjoy spending time with him. However, I do always feel quite paranoid and down about us. There’s is always a bad worry in the back of my head and Its really draining. I think it’s because what he did was so horrible, he went behind my back and broke the trust and loyalty and he knows that I do feel this way. He says that he wants to prove that he loves me and that he would never do it again and he does care and we are slowly rebuilding that trust back up again...it’s just taking a lot of time.

My questions are: was I stupid for taking him back? What do I need to do to help my head not worry so much? What do i do to make sure that I feel happy and secure because at the minute I really don’t.

I just really don’t know what to do. I love him so much but sometimes love isn’t enough. But then I don’t want to leave him because he means the absolute world to me and I’d feel like nothing without him.

Thanks for taking the time to read this :)