Do you want to know the easiest way to break someone’s trust. The easiest way to just break everything about a person. Just hit them where it hurts most, right in the heart.

I have had my heart broken by the person I love the most more times than I can remember anymore. This so called man thinks by saying sorry that my wounds are healed, but they aren’t. Perhaps after time the holes and cracks he leaves in me come together, but they never truly feel fixed. Last night was yet another event in my life that would put a hole in my heart. One that no one can see or feel but me. He knows it’s there but he doesn’t understand what it’s actually doing to me. How it makes me think about myself. Wonder about what I’m doing, what I’m doing wrong in my life to deserve such hurt.

That feeling you get when someone does something regrettable... yeah I have many holes and cracks because of those moments. Most get stitched up or glued back together.. but inevitably those spots where they are repaired are fragile, and with every new event of sorrow comes a new crack, but also all of those other cracks open up again.

Out of those cracks and holes come thoughts. Thoughts about myself. Bad feelings.

“Why has this happened to me so many times now?” “Should I let him keep doing this?” “If I stay I know he’s going to do it again.” “He’s never going to change.” “ am I really so gross that he needs others attention?” “ what do they have that I don’t?”

There are also totally hateful comments towards myself that come creeping out too.

“Just kill yourself, no one will ever love you for you” “you don’t deserve to have anyone treat you right” “ you’re ugly and fat and don’t care about your appearance, of course he’d do this”

To the young girl who is going through something like this right now, get out while you can. Don’t let anyone treat you less than you deserve. There is someone out there who won’t need to talk to other girls for attention. He won’t need to watch so much porn he can’t have sex with you. He will compliment you all the time and mean it. He will show you the love and affection you really do deserve. Don’t settle for anything, you are perfect and deserve perfection.