When I was 14, just starting high school, I was very naive and I started hanging out with this senior guy. I honestly have no idea why but I thought it would be a good idea to invite him into my house. I knew some things about sex, but not that much. At first I thought I wanted to have sex, so we started kissing & stuff, but I then decided that I didn’t want to anymore. I continually kept asking him to wait, and I said that I wasn’t sure. He didn’t listen and continued to put himself inside me...

I wasn’t really sure what I was feeling at the time, if it was right, if I liked it, I cried afterwords because i truly didn’t understand what I was feeling.

I’m about to be 18 next month, and I realize now how traumatic this moment was for me. Multiple other events occurred, this would be too long if I got into them. I have never really told anyone about this. My current boyfriend, who I’ve been with for 2 years, is the person I tell everything to. I debated for a long time if I should tell him about this though. The topic once came up and I attempted to tell him, but he got really angry... I couldn’t tell if the anger was towards me or the guy who raped me. I know it is rape but I still guilt myself all the time for not trying to stop him. It still haunts me and I wish I could just make it go away. I guess I wanted to post this for advice on my mental health? And what I should say to my boyfriend? And if anyone has shared a similar experience?