Torn between my mind and my heart
After my miscarriage in early December, I have been waiting for my hcg to drop to 0. Last week I was at 27 and I have another test tomorrow. I recently learned that a seven-year-old boy from my church died this past Saturday from brain cancer (he died on the 26th which is also the same day that I found out I was miscarrying: 11/26). It truly has opened my mind to how beautiful and precious life is and how much god has blessed me. After his funeral, I don’t know why but I just got this feeling that I should take an ovulation test. Even though I wanted to wait until my levels dropped completely, there’s this feeling of hope that I can’t ignore. Sure enough, the opk came back as a definite positive; exactly 2 weeks after my first cycle started. At that moment, I prayed and said “God if you truly want us to try again, please give me a sign”. I was scrolling through Facebook and came across a video in which a girl used a beauty product that ended up taking off both her eyebrows (the thumbnail made me laugh so I clicked on it lol). After that, the next video that immediately popped up was a woman who announced her pregnancy to her husband after 4 years of infertility. I thought to myself “What are the odds that this type of video would immediately come up?” I was looking out my back door to see how much snow had fallen in the backyard and I swear I saw a cloud that to me looked like a baby. My mind is telling me one thing but my heart can’t ignore these signs, especially after I asked for them. What should I do?
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