Before anyone does it, I wanna put it out there that yes, this is wrong. I don’t need the reminders.

This story traces back to April of 2018. My boyfriend and I had been together for several months and in November I had just had my second Nexplanon put in, without choice.

By April, I was tired of the Nexplanon. I didn’t have a period, but I had all the symptoms. Cramps, my boobs hurt, my back hurt, I had migraines, and my doctor did nothing for me. I was living on Ibuprofen and heating pads and it sucked. I talked to my boyfriend and after discussing it, I went to my doctor and had my Nexplanon removed and started the pill. The pill was much better. My periods slowly but surely became regular and my symptoms weren’t as bad.

Along came October and I decided I wanted to have a baby. I had a good job, we were both financially stable but we didn’t have our own place. We were living together with our 2 other friends in a rental basement of a nail salon for $600 a month for rent.

I slowly weened myself off my birth control pill and started telling my boyfriend to come inside of me (which he did already). Months passed by and I started taking folic acid and prenatal vitamins. My doctor prescribed my the folic acid, but I took it upon myself to take the prenatals.

Two months went by and there was no baby. I prayed every night for one. I was hoping to have a baby announcement on Christmas or New Year’s. But nothing. I was upset. I was spending $40 a month on FR and Clearblue HPT. I was tracking my cycles each month and logging my symptoms each day.

Last week, I was having some symptoms that were very similar to pregnancy symptoms. Cramping, headaches, nausea (without vomiting) and white/clear/thick discharge. I thought FOR SURE January was my month but my period started on Monday.

I’ve done a lot of thinking this week and decided that I can’t do this to my boyfriend. He doesn’t deserve this. We will have a baby when we’re ready. I got myself back on birth control on Monday, however I’m still taking the prescribed folic acid.

I really just needed to get this off my chest, I guess.