BFP after miscarriage but I’m not as excited as I thought I’d be 😩

I had a missed miscarriage in September at 8w5d (baby only measured 7w3d) and then didn’t ovulate/had light bleeding for almost 2 months afterwards. I was so depressed since it happened and all through the holidays and just started feeling better this month. We’ve been trying since November (desperately trying I’d say) and I finally got my BFP this past week. To say it was anticlimactic is an understatement. I literally felt nothing when the +yes showed up on the screen. I was so excited the first time and felt this instant connection and now I feel terrible for feeling so detached. I know it’s just my brain protecting me but I want to be excited again, even if something happens I want that initial joy.