I have a bit of a dilemma that has been eating away at me and I need advice.

Event 1: my old boss creates drama. (Backstory: I left a job roughly a year ago, and officially left the company 7 months ago). Friday a former coworker of mine told me that my former boss was informed by his boss that someone submitted a complaint and he (our former boss) blamed me. I was upset and angry. This man did multiple things to downplay me as a human being and as a woman and repeated caused drama while I was an employee and after I left the company, and it’s still happening. To say I am distraught is an understatement.

Event 2: immediately after finding this out, my boyfriend and I went out for drinks. We mainly had shots. We bought about 24 shots and each took 12. I then proceeded to have mixed drinks. He went to get food and visit with kitchen staff/friends and I stayed at the bar area.

Event 3: his friend walks in and chooses a seat near us. We begin idle chit chat while drinking and waiting to be served. My boyfriend returns with food, we eat, and my boyfriend leaves to get ready for work.

Event 4: I lost count of my beverage intake (I believe I’m probably at between 3-5 mixed drinks) and start buying drinks for me and boyfriend’s friend. He starts making odd remarks and eventually a pass at me. I decline and state that I love my boyfriend of almost 4 years and that I just had a bad day. Friend proceeds to show me inappropriate pictures and takes my hand and places down his pants. He then leads me outside and tries to force me to perform sexual acts on him. I’m extremely drunk and don’t remember much of anything that happens next. I know once I was back inside I spent some time in the bathroom. Every time I tried to leave the bathroom he was at the door. I ended going back to his place with him (I don’t remember how or why) and I know there was kissing because that felt safer that him forcing his way onto me or vise versa but I don’t know what happens other than me knocking his phone out of his hand and leaving. (Boyfriend taking me home)

Everything feels so blurry and I feel like I let my guard down and betrayed my boyfriend. I could really go without the hurtful comments because my personal agony is worse than anything anybody is going to say.

But the real thing I think I need help with is if I should come clean to my boyfriend before it’s years down the road, or hope this never comes out?

I was severely intoxicated and he knows that but I still feel like if I told him he would resent me if he didn’t immediately end our relationship. I didn’t know what the hell was happening but the flashbacks I keep having in my nightmares are making my anxiety worse and I don’t know what to do.

We are all college students. My boyfriend is the oldest of us. I’m afraid if something did happen, my boyfriend’s friend would say that “I liked it” or “enjoyed it” and that my boyfriend would side with him. They aren’t real close friends but I still feel uneasy about the whole situation.

Edit: my boyfriend works walking distant from where we were and we have a lot of mutual friends at the place I was at so of all the times I’ve been there alone and intoxicated, I’ve always been safe because there’s usually not a crowd and I’ve got a good support system. When my boyfriend left, he didn’t leave for long. He was gone for maybe 15 minutes. Just long enough to check on our place, brush his teeth, and change his shirt. He basically just had to help another guy that night and had to be “on call”.

Obviously, that night was different for some reason (probably the start of classes, usually a reason I never go out)

I was also there for about maybe 6 hours. Most of the beginning was heavy drinking with the shots and winding down with the drinks. The plan was to sit until the bar closed (friend is a bartender) and my boyfriend came back and then go back with him.