I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I have been in this situation for a long time, and despite how much I’ve been aware of the toxicity of this relationship, I don’t ever seem

to have the courage to leave it. What is wrong with me!?😕 I don’t understand. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years and saying we’ve been through a lot is an understatement. I am aware of how emotionally abusive this is and have been for a very long time, yet it seems nearly impossible for me to leave. Every time I think I finally have the strength, I begin to think of him with somebody else and that kills me. I begin to think of how lonely I will feel not having anyone else to talk to because he has made me isolate myself so much. And to me that is the scariest thing. I’m absolutely terrified of seeing him with somebody else, because I have before and I still can’t manage to get over it. I dwell on it everyday, because there was a period where we broke up and he went with someone else while while still leading me on and I was still loyal to him, and I somehow managed to look past all that and got back with him after he begged me, and it’s been two years and I STILL think about it everyday.. I feel like I’m losing my sanity.

The screenshots of him telling me his pride is more important and him not giving a shit because he “has a girlfriend like me” are from right now. I’ve avoided seeing him for nearly a month now, which is a big step I’ve made in trying to detach myself from this, but lately he’s been getting really tired of it and insists I see him and THEN he’ll “treat me right”.. I’ve refused to, and I told him if he wants to see

me he can prove to me he cares about me first. But apparently his pride is much too important for him to do that, and I have to do what HE wants because what I want doesn’t matter.. then when i put my foot down, he tells me he’s sorry and wants to treat me better. Yet when he’s mad, he insults me and tells me I’m a worthless piece of shit and calls me a hoe for sitting next to guys at school in my ASSIGNED SEATS.. but yet he has an Instagram account and doesn’t want me to have one or else he’ll break up with me.. Jesus Christ, I feel insane even typing this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or what I’m doing, I know I need to leave I just don’t understand why I have this terrible fear that keeps holding me back. The fear of being without him after all these years and seeing him with somebody else, and the fear that I will never be loved the right way.. this is killing me.. it’s getting harder to get through every day.