I have to go back to work tomorrow and I feel like my heart is breaking. I just can’t leave my son. I don’t want to miss a single smile or his rambling about his day (what we call his energetic periods of cooing and squealing). I feel like the world is asking me to amputate a limb and leave it behind. Meanwhile, I’ll be in my cubicle at my job I have no passion for even on the best day, bleeding out.

I know I’m being ridiculous but I’m feeling so resentful of work, and even worse, sometimes my husband (which I don’t mean! I know it’s misplaced, my husband is wonderful) and resentful of decisions I’ve made that now require me to work to pay for (car, the student loans, etc.).

If I’m going to be away from my son, I at least want it to be for a career I love. I want him to look at me and be proud of what I accomplish. I want to show him drive and focus and passion. I want to start a photography business. But instead, I feel stuck. I have to work to pay for daycare and the car loan and student loans but daycare is half my take-home pay and the rest will go to bills. So I’m just in this vicious cycle where I can’t invest in the business and I will continue to work a job because I have to pay someone to take care of him which seems so backwards. Ugh.