My father had rectal bleeding 4 years ago. I was 15. My mom told him he should see a specialist so that they can rule out cancer since the bleeding wasn’t normal. He blew it off as nothing more than a hemorrhoid and continued to walk around with it. The bleeding got worse through the years, and he would often just bleed when going to the bathroom. He decided to go to the doctor and was diagnosed with an apple core tumor in his rectum. After the diagnosis and a strong suggestion to set up chemo and radiation appointments to save his life and stop the cancer from spreading, he neglected to attend the appointments. My mom continued scheduling them in hopes of him listening and going but he never did.

February of 2016 he was given the option to undergo these treatments but was told there was no way of stopping the cancer. They gave him the option to either extend his life and pass away later or not undergo treatment and pass away sooner. He began chemo and radiation and got a colostomy bag since he couldn’t use the bathroom normally, and fell very ill. Even though the doctors told him it would not save his life, he was adamant that it would.

October of 2017 we were told that he had 6-18 months left to live. I was at work in my first year of college when I got the call from my mom. When she told me, I broke down and had to leave work early and take the shuttle back to campus. I felt 6-18 months would take a long time to roll by so I didn’t take it too much to heart.

I met my now husband in October of 2017 as well, and we began dating in May of 2018. We moved in together into an apartment and I managed to forget the pain of my father’s inevitable death. At the time my family was living in a different state, and my father had contacted me in August saying he had some things to tie up in the state I live in (the one they moved from) and asked if he could stay with us for two weeks. We happily agreed and allowed him to come and stay on our couch. I was 2 months pregnant. We’d walk to the corner store down the street from my complex and he would always buy Rockstar energy drinks. He even made me chili (only he knew how to make it) and the last time he was able to walk we went to have Hibachi at a place down my street. He bragged to everyone about how he was going to be a grandfather. A week later, he fell incredibly ill. He couldn’t move from the couch and developed a uti which furthered into a kidney infection. His hospice nurse prescribed him medication that didn’t properly take care of the medication. His urine started turning different colors from bile and blood and I knew something was wrong. He ordered a hospital bed and they put it into my living room and had to lift him onto it because he couldn’t walk any longer, only crawl.

I PTO’d a lot of hours from work to take care of him since my husband was working. He began to decline rapidly and I decided to call 911. They loaded him into a stretcher and took him to the hospital 10 minutes from me. There, they called to tell me if he hadn’t have been brought in he would have passed away due to a kidney infection turned septic. They also discovered two broken discs in his back, which were paralyzing him. They told him they had no choice but to do surgery. He underwent the surgery and was open for 11 hours, allowing for the cancer to come into contact with the air and ultimately leading to a more rapid decline.

After the surgery he was sent to a rehab facility to learn how to ‘walk’ again. He was adamant he would be able to walk and even pushed himself through the pain in his back and legs. He was never able to walk again. They moved him from rehab back to a hospital because of another kidney infection and told me the cancer had spread from his colon and rectum to his lungs, liver, spine, and kidneys. After the hospital once more and another treatment for kidney infection, they took him to a nursing home. My mother came to visit with my siblings and my husband and I broke our lease to move into a bigger place so they could be with my father.

I didn’t visit very much while he was in the nursing home and regretted putting him in there. My husband and I married in front of my father January 21st (now 8 months pregnant) in the nursing home lobby. I noticed his decline was even worse so decided to bring him home despite the space issue we were facing. The first night he came home (January 24th) he was smiling and happy to be here. He was even watching game of thrones. As the days progressed and I kept having to go to work, I noticed every I love you I’d tell him his response would become delayed and slurred. He couldn’t move or drink liquids anymore and had to begin sucking on ice chips.

Yesterday morning, I told him I loved him before going to work. He didn’t hear me so I repeated it and he tried to say it back but couldn’t. His eyes had been closed for 2 days and he hadn’t moved. I left for work crying and wondering if I should stay home. I got a call at 4:30 from my mom, telling me I needed to come home because of his delayed breathing and unresponsiveness. I got home at 4:56 ( traffic ) and ran upstairs the best I could being 8 months pregnant. My husband and siblings and mother were all standing around my father. His chest went from rapid breathing to delayed breathing. We talked about all of our memories and prayed over him. I told him I love him and I forgive him for the issues we had growing up. I noticed his chest would stop moving and he’d breathe once or twice. His face was twisting and then his chest stopped and never went up again. He passed at 5:46pm yesterday.

We sat with him and cried and prayed. Because of his signing his body off to science and being a hospice patient, we had to wait for hospice to pick him up. They didn’t get his body until 1 in the morning even though the nurse came to declare him gone around 6:30. We each took turns sitting in the room with him and talking to him. The last time I saw my father was when he was put into the body bag.

My family and I are suffering hard. We are lost and confused and heartbroken but we know he’s at peace now. We set up a gofundme due to my mother’s financial issues having four kids and being a widow. She works hard but can no longer make ends meet on her own. My heart breaks for her everyday and for my four siblings.

My father will never meet his grandson or see my siblings grow up and get married and have children. Please take this as a warning; if there is something wrong please get it checked out before it is too late.

I love you dad. Forever and always.