Has anyone ever made you feel so low about yourself? I've had people make me think that I'm nowhere near good enough for them. They just try and sweep you under the rug, ignore you, belittle you. I've had people bully me at school and I've bullied myself for years for not being skinny or pretty or smart enough then I try and build myself up only to have a guy, a fucking guy of all people, smash it all to pieces. We talked for ages, he made me think he was really interested, said on the phone he could even see himself falling for me. Then after a first date he ghosted me, when I asked what was up he said I was boring, and the look on his face was as if someone like me could never be with someone like him because of the way I looked. It hurt me. He was the first guy I ever went on a date with at 21 and I spent years before that thinking I'd never meet anyone who liked me for me, then I thought I did. And he treated me as if I was unimportant after weeks and weeks of making me feel like I was special to him. I met my boyfriend a few weeks months after that when I'd built myself up once again, only to have my confidence tested yet again because he made me feel second best to all these other girls and never made time for me. Now every guy who I talk to and says they're interested in dating me I just second guess and think "yeah until the day you don't".

I know I'm so stupid for thinking people would be interested in me and eventually showing me that I make stupid choices in guys. I know I need therapy but I don't have time or money. I guess some people just go through their lives without ever finding anyone and I just need to come to terms with it.