one night i got high with this boy. i was at my house, he was older than me, and a lot bigger than me. it was in july of 2018. he got high too. i was wearing shorts, a tank top, and a jacket. i was laying at the end of my bed. and i came back up to the top of the bed. he said to me " are you horney? all girls act like this when their horny." i said what and laughed. hes like i know you are. i didnt know what to do. i felt stuck kind of. he leaned over and kissed me. i didnt know how to tell him to stop. i was scared that he would do something. he was about 23. i was 14. my parents knew he was here. he knew they were here. he was a close family friend. i didnt know that would happen. i didnt know. his fingers came down and started to touch me. i didnt know how to say no. i just sat there. he wanted to have sex. i didnt agree or say no.i just laid there. i didnt know what to say. i didnt know if i should leave. i havent told anyone but everyone on here and my boyfriend now. i am stuck wether i should tell my parents and my sister. im dont know what to do. what if they're mad at me because i was high and smoked weed. what if they dont believe me. what happens if they hate me. i dont want him to hurt me, if he doesnt get sent to jail. he knows where i live. the worst part about it is the next day i felt like i should do it again for him, so he doesnt share it with anyone else. he told me if i told my sister he would tell her i smoked to get high. he was threatening me with that. i dont know what to do. i know im not alone. but i dont think it counts as rape or sexual assault. i cry about it, im crying right now. im sorrry for this being so long. im just sorry for letting it happen. i want it to go way i wish i never did it. i wish i wasnt there. i wish i never smoked. i wish i said no but what happens if i said no. he could of hurt me and held me down and made it more painful than it already was. im sorry to everyone.