Grieving after loss

I got pregnant on November 3rd .. my mom was so upset with me more than a disappointment it was anger she said some of the most hurtful things she treated me like I was nothing to her not even her daughter she wanted me to get an abortion more than anything my other family was nonchalant didn’t really care if I had my baby his family was happy for the most part but me and him weren’t together I went through him being with another female the whole time I was pregnant she lied and said she pregnant too and he gave me a std ... nobody understands how much I just wanted my mom to be there but she made pregnancy seem like something so terrible so I aborted my baby I thought I did the right thing for her .. but the truth is I really wanted my baby but It was hard to have my own mind and it was hard to go against my mother when all I thought she wanted was the best for me so I did it it’s been a month since the lost and I’m honestly hurt I feel like I’m going crazy I wake up out the middle of my sleep crying and screaming I feel like I’ll never get over this I just want my baby back I have the urge to want another so bad ... I feel punished like I won’t ever be able to again I feel useless as well like I no longer have a purpose anymore please someone reach out to me who’s been through an abortion before please I just be needing someone to talk to or anything please reach out to me