I need advice:

I been having this friend for nearly 15 years now but I feel like it’s over.

We consider each other best friends, but honestly it does not feel like we are.

During the years 2017 n 2018, I was in a rut. She was there for nearly half of my downs. I did not love myself and clearly I was not capable of loving her. I mentioned it to her that I hated myself and I could not love her fully until I loved myself. She disregarded my feelings and said something around the lines “ wow you don’t love.” I felt disappointment within myself because I could not show it to her and I could not put her as my #1 priority.

In the middle of 2018, we had an argument and stopped talking for nearly two months. We argued because I was talking to this guy that she hated. She told me I was talking to the enemy and how can I betrayed her like that. I stopped talking to the guy because I didn’t want my friendship with her to stop. Weeks or maybe two months later she begins to talk to him. Now having a full friendship with him.

After working hard and practicing self love, I’ve come to the point of self appreciation. I care so much about my mental/ physical health. I had to work on my own problems and I accomplished to get out this dark cloud. But after being cleared out of the negativity, I feel like I need to leave some people behind. It includes my “best friend.”

This is where I need help:

1. I feel like she does not bring me up but rather keeps me on the same level.

2. There’s times where I talk to her about my problems but she doesn’t share hers.

3. We mostly only speak upon other people’s gossip.

4. She hangs out with people rather than hanging out with me.

5. She doesn’t make an effort to hang out with me.

6. She always tells me she loves me and misses me but I don’t see it or feel it

7. She forgets everything we’ve ever done.

I’m honestly in a complicated situation because she’s my best friend. I care for her so much. I can’t even express how much I’ve grown to love her.

But sometimes she hurts me and doesn’t even realize it or claims to not realize.

Not too long ago, I faced timed her and I told her we should eat together while I wait for my class. She said it was fine. Her boyfriend comes in the room and she quickly said “okay bye.” I was left shocked. All I said was, “damn like that... okay bye”

I don’t know what to do :/