I’m having trouble seeing my situation clearly and am really hoping to gain some clarity by posting this —

so i’ve been with my boyfriend for 3+ years. much of it has been international long distance, and we did break up for a few months somewhere in the middle of things while we were each living in our home countries.

i have now gone to his country with a visa that is for getting married. but things haven’t gone well enough so far for us to have gotten married (we were booked for jan 4 but just didn’t show).

one of our problems (the main one for me) is the lack of sex. i have been here for almost 3 months and we have had sex once. we have talked and fought about it a lot. we have also ignored it a lot. i’ve tried both because it matters to me.

so...i noticed the other day while we were chilling on the couch together that he had recently messaged someone nicknamed “Princess”. in the past, he has called me princess during sex or sexting. knowing this, it’s been eating at me. so i looked.

this girl and he have exchanged nudes and explicit messages before. not for two years now, but still some were exchanged when we were together and while he had promised that he was being honest and loyal and a good person. some of the nudes he sent her i also remember him sending to me. they haven’t messaged on this platform since 2017 but she has randomly sent him a “hey” and he has responded “hi” and “how are you?”.

i am feeling all kinds of sick and twisted up about this but i don’t know how to approach this situation.

i think i know now that our lack of sex is due to his lack of interest in me and his interest in other girls.

we are both 29. i have uprooted my whole life and career to be with him and he has let me. i feel so stupid and scared. i violated his trust by snooping and he violated mine by being dishonest and unfaithful.

i have moved my cat here along with most of my things, so leaving will come at a huge expense. i’m willing to do that because i am going to ultimately do what’s best for me...but does any one have any advise? how do i talk to him about this? is there a way through it or is it over?