Really just venting as I’m feeling really emotional about this and not sure how I should feel , or if anyone else feels the same with how they cope.

My dad passed away when I was 9 weeks old.. he had gone out to celebrate me being born with his friends when they put drugs in his drink as a “joke” then left him out by the mail box where my mum found him , thought he had to much to drink and put him to bed with the help of a neighbour went to check on him later that night and he had passed away.

He was never there for my first birthday, Christmas, Easter, graduation, when I had my first child ... any huge mile stones.

He was 24 when he passed away, and the thought of me turning 24 this year has really hit me hard with how much he never got to achieve in his short life, I have a 16 month old little boy and it breaks my heart that he missed out on all my baby mile stones that I get to watch and experience with my son..

I really don’t know how I’m feeling , or maybe I’m finally feeling lost about the thoughts of “what if” ...