how do i get past trauma?

Question

the idea of being really submissive in bed is very appealing to me. i’m really comfortable with my boyfriend, and i’ve talked to him about this problem but i’m not sure what to do. i’ve been in abusive relationships so when i’m actually in the moment, being submissive makes me really panicky. i really want to be able to experiment with my boyfriend but i don’t know how

Answer

I’ve been through the same thing. I told my boyfriend up front what I’ve been through. I will try it, but as soon as I say no he stops. It’s helped a ton to put me more at ease.

Answer

I had a similar situation. Have you tried BDSM with a trusted partner? I found it very empowering. I was in control of how much, and he stopped whenever i said red...and that relationship was a very liberating feeling  because of the respect that wasn't there in the previous relationship. You can literally create and share things you wanna try and do and limits to them based on you and your partners needs and wants.

Answer

Put a safe word in place so that he knows when to stop once you say it. I usually recommend the red-yellow-green method, but it always differs from partner to partner.

Answer

Therapy and trust-building are key. Start slowly, don’t be fully submissive and keep working up to it. Also make sure you have a safe word

Answer

Definitely be honest with him about everything.  A trauma based therapy might be in order.

Answer

I really never thought about that I had a hook up and he went to hold my arms down but I freaked out and was like get off of me like three times and it took him a second and he did I just felt so weird like I don’t know it was intentional almost. I was genuinely scared though.  And I have had plenty of this with people I dated but that time for some reason just didn’t feel okay at All.

how do i get past trauma?

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