Still hurting

So my ex/baby daddy and I have been broken up for a year now our baby was born in May. We broke up bc he cheated and then left me while I was pregnant . We were together for almost 3 years we talked about getting married and I even caught him in the process of buying my dream engagement ring that I told him I wanted when he asked me when we were teenagers.

We talked about everything when I was about 7 months pregnant and I forgave him , he cane back to be closer to me and his baby and left the girl he cheated on me with , but after a week he found out she was pregnant . I was very devastated I still am .

We had a lot of conversations over the past 8 months about getting back together and how he wants me to wait for him . I know a lot of you will say your dumb if you wait . But trust me I tried to unlove and not have feelings for him but its really hard for me he’s the first person I ever loved.

I try to go on dates and talk to other people but it’s so hard for me . I cry every night bc i wish things are different I pray and pray . I just want him to be with me or for my feelings to just go away