Please don’t judge

Ok ladies, I’m posting anonymously because some woman on here can be quite mean, but I’ve also found that the ladies who are helpful more than make up for it. So here it goes...I am currently 13 (close to 14) weeks pregnant and I have an eating disorder (bulimia) I have had this disease for over 20 years so it’s not something that’s a switch I can just shut off. I love this baby and have been trying so hard to eat in moderation and keep it down, but I’m failing miserably and I am so scared. I’m on a list to speak to someone to help me but the wait is long. I wish it was just as simple as eating and keeping it down but it’s not! I do wake up every morning and drink 2 smoothies, one with spinach and veggies and then the second with more fruit and Greek yogurt. I do consume 2 “mom” drinks by simulac and I take a prenatal vitamin. I also drink a lot of v8 juice. That’s about all I’m keeping down, I do eat it just doesn’t stay down, this baby is a blessing from god and I don’t want to harm my baby, has ANYONE been through this or know of anyone and do you have any suggestions or help, or even just general knowledge that what I’m consuming is enough for baby. I will continue to work daily at trying to beat this monster of a disease.