Hey ladies!

Here’s some background on us:

My husband and I are newly married. We were friends for 2 years before dating and dating 2 years before getting married. We took premarital counseling through our church hoping we would learn new things and find out some great ways to handle conflict in the event we had a fight one day. Which, lets be honest everyone fights.. it was coming one day! We wanted the tools available to be successful and manage conflict well.

No exaggeration I can’t remember a single argument or fight(except over food because a girl gets hangry ya know what I’m sayin?!) prior to marriage.

My husband grew up deeply religious and was adamant about living not together before marriage, so we didn’t except for one month because we purchased a house.

We got married in August! I didn’t want a wedding but he did. I got married later than most of my friends, it wasn’t a thing I wanted until I met him.

The issue:

Exactly one week after our wedding I caught him secretly recording us having sex. I was ashamed, and hurt, and disgusted. I’m not a prude and I’m very open sexually with my husband. If he would have asked I’d have done that for him.

I couldn’t confront him that night. I felt so gross and betrayed. The next day I did and he owned up and admitted everything without me having to prompt. We have been on the road to recovery since.. we are in counseling and every day comes with different emotions. Many days I want to give up and leave.. but Many days I want to stay and fight(and lets be honest.. that’s easier). Most days I just settle for “this is my life. I made this bed, now I’ll lay in it”. Marriage takes work and I don’t think I’m done fighting, but some days I don’t have any fight left.

Any of you ladies been through this? Or a similar betrayal? And advice for me? The first year is supposed to be the best(so they say)... but it feels like it’s the hardest.

I look forward to your thoughts! Attached are some weddings pictures. 😊 It took me a while to be able to look at the pictures... but now I can look at them without feelings of displeasure.