So firstly I’d like to prepare you for a long rant! We’ve been going out for over a month now. (We started talking last year until about 10 months ago, now we’re going out)

I don’t think he treats me like a boyfriend should. He sees me once a week and we do ‘stuff’ together then but he never seems to want to go out anywhere. I’ve asked him but always says he can’t or there’s no point. Coincidentally, he’s going to a load of festivals except the one I’m going to despite him getting free tickets. He chats to his mates like ‘I’m gonna fuck her but I don’t think it’s gonna fit’ etc and it makes me feel awful. He hardly ever texts me which is hard because I only see him once a week if that. He suggests meeting sometimes and I get all dressed up, make up and shaved and he cancels last minute. Basically treats me like shit, he’s my main priority whereas I’m not. I lost my virginity to him the other day and I thought I’d feel more loved but I don’t. I just don’t feel like a girlfriend...

You’re probably thinking ‘so why are you still with him?’

Well

So before when We were talking last year, he made me feel the same way, that he was using me and that he didn’t really like me but when he was nice to me I fell for him hard. I fell in love with everything about him. I had this weird spiritual connection with him and he said he felt this without me mentioning it so I knew it was a thing. We have insane chemistry but chemistry is only visible when you’re with someone... so when we’re not together he’s not too bothered but it breaks me because I love him so much. When I ended it the first time, I ended up blaming myself, ending it with him seemed to be the biggest regret and worst decision because we never got to go out and I feel like I didn’t give it a chance to happen. I got depressed, still loving him but knowing he hated me as he just never spoke to me after. I started drinking heavily and got infections and AWS where I was shaking if I hadn’t drank that morning. I didn’t have the ability to love or even fancy anyone properly since. It broke my heart because he’s all I’ve ever wanted to have and I ruined it. 10months went by and I decided to message him on New Years and tell him how I felt. Weirdly, he said he felt exactly the same way but I would’ve thought he would’ve told me that before hand. But I was so happy with what he was saying I couldn’t ruin this opportunity so I went out with him about 1.5 weeks after talking to him again. Only discovering yesterday that he had a gf whilst talking to me last year.

He’s manipulative and a narcissist but that must be what makes me so drawn to him. When I ended it last time, he called me a slut to all his mates....

I love him so much and I’m scared about what will happen to me if I break up with him.