Feeling really down

Hey you! Thanks so much for opening up and being HONEST and REAL here. Just hearing your story helped me feel less alone right now. Please know you are not alone either. If I wasn’t a stranger on the Internet, I’d absolutely give you a hug right now. You really deserve one (more than one actually). My birthday wish for you is many, many hugs. : )A few things you said really resonated…- Anxiety, depression, rough childhood. Wouldn’t it be nice to finally be done with all that some day?! UGGGH. Feels like a death sentence sometimes. No matter how much self-improvement I do, or how hard I try “think positive,” or how much effort I make to be healthy – therapy, medication, natural remedies, exercise, eating well, sleeping 8 hours a night, etc. – those feelings always, eventually, creep back. For a day, for a week, sometimes even for months. Yes, it gets better sometimes! And those things I just mentioned DO HELP. But you can’t control it. All you can do is manage it with your own actions and the genuine help, love, understanding and support of others. I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. Tonight I send my best wishes to you, in the hope that these feelings lighten, so you feel some relief soon.A few things you said really resonated… - “I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want to seem weak” – oh girl, preach! I know the feeling! Last thing I want when I’m feeling weak….is other people seeing that I’m weak! There are a couple exceptions, though: 2-3 people I can turn to when I’m at my worst. When I feel really low, useless, embarrassed, ugly, uncool, unfun, like a failure, etc.…..I can call them up or text them and ALWAYS feel better after. I don’t edit my words when I talk to them or try to spin things around like “It’s no big deal “or “It’s OK, I’ll be fine.” I don’t make my big bad feelings SMALL for them. And actually, I’m not fine. That’s the whole point. Those friends remind me that these feelings are OK and normal and human. They will pass. They’re temporary. I will feel better again. They tell me I’m going to be OK. They even throw out a few compliments, like – “You’re the most resilient person I know!” When we get off the phone I always feel at least 25% better. Sometimes those conversations are all I need to start feeling better. They’re THAT powerful.-“No sympathy” – Sorry, but that’s not acceptable. He’s the person you’ve chosen to lean on most in life, now and for the rest of your life. You have TWO CHILDREN together. Supporting you is his duty. Since I don’t know you or your husband, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he genuinely believes this “no sympathy” strategy is the best way to help you cope with hard, debilitating feelings. Maybe he’s coming from a good place, but his strategy still sucks! Literally ALL scientific knowledge we have about the brain, trauma, depression, anxiety, relationships, postpartum depression, etc. demonstrates that EMPATHY from others is necessary for healing and maintaining a healthy, confident, stable life. Also necessary: CARE, SUPPORT, FEELING SAFE TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS FREELY, AND BEING HEARD. And think about it: what makes a sociopath a sociopath? They are incapable of feeling EMPATHY for others. Probably best not to take a play from their book, right?!If your husbands wants so badly for you to “just be happy,” he should research some alternative strategies for helping you that might actually work. If he resists this idea, ask him how well his current strategy is working. (I can hear the long, awkward silence already.)- “He hates when I get like this” – really?! Why doesn’t he just “be positive” then? Sounds like he has his own negative feelings to address…to a therapist, friends, family. Directing HATE toward you is not a solution, sorry.- “Just be happy” – Ahhh, yes. Like it’s so simple! Just eliminate all the other human emotions and feel ONE of them, all the time. Great advice….for a robot.The world tends to reward us for smiling and being happy. That’s part of why feeling bad can be extra hard sometimes. Rarely is there a prize given out for being sad. But I want to tell you that right now YOU are my hero. You uplifted me with your brave, candid description of your feelings. It takes GUTS to say what you said. Sure, smiling is the expected thing to do, but to stand up in front of the world and speak your truth, to talk about the “hard stuff,” is so much more badass. Thank you for taking that risk. Thanks for being a role model for the rest of us. Your two kids have a hero for a mom. Feel better soon.