Darkest day


So. A few of you may have read my questions about bleeding and loosing symptoms. My bleeding was very light and I thought loosing my pregnancy symptoms was just part of being at my 10 week mark.

Wednesday I got in to see my doctor. Just to put my mind at ease because we had a miscarriage last March (chemical pregnancy). I thought that was hard. It is no match for how hard it hit me when the ultra sound tech told me that she couldn’t find a heartbeat.

Ten weeks pregnant. Had an appointment In mid January and baby had a heartbeat. I had finally wrapped my head around being pregnant. I had told a few people since my chance of miscarriage was getting less and less. I had picked up some maternity clothes from a friend who was getting rid of hers. I bought my husband a first time dad book ( I have a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship)

I was scheduled for a D&C yesterday. The only o felt was empty. My husband bless his heart sat by me the whole time. Kept me calm. Stood by me.

The only positive I had was I had the best nursing staff and an amazing doctor. For that I am thankful.

I don’t know why it hit so much harder this time. Maybe it was because I had seen the heartbeat. Maybe it was because on the ultra sound the fetus was starting to look like a baby. Either way. I guess now it’s time to heal. Time to not think about how I got to this point.

For all of you who have been through this. Shit. It’s hard. So hard. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.