Before I start... This is my first ever experience of stuff like this - I’ve never had a relationship or even a casual fling. I don’t have anything to base this on and honestly, everything has been so exciting and I’ve really enjoyed having all this attention on *me*, you know? I’ve never had it in the past. I need advice.

I’ve been talking to this guy online for a while. Our relationship is pretty intense - loooots of dirty talk, lots of teasing and flirting. He’s asked for nudes (I’ve refused to give them for now!) and there’s been talk of him wanting to see me naked someday and whatever. I’ve been reciprocating every now and then, too, but a majority of the flirting has come from his side rather than mine.

Anyway. Today I found out he has a girlfriend. Not even by mistake, or on the off chance - he told me. Literally. Had a message from him this morning saying ‘oh, I had a wet dream about you last night’ (then proceeded to tell me all about it) - then a little while later said ‘sorry, I was with my girlfriend, she’s sick in hospital.’

I’m disgusted and so hurt. Not even particularly because I think he should pick me over her, not even because I think we should have a relationship/something bigger than a fling - but disgusted that he’s been saying all this sort of stuff to me while he’s got a sick girlfriend, for fuck’s sake. Disgusted in myself because I don’t want to look like a horrible, filthy girl for coming in between the two of them - even though I didn’t have a clue and he’d been acting as if he’s single in my DMs anyway...

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. I just feel hurt and shocked and like I want to scream — and yet a part of me feels almost sad because I’ve just been feeling so good, so happy for myself and about myself, and now it’s all fucked up. And then at the same time I feel fucking stupid for even feeling this way because why would I want attention from a guy who treats his girlfriend like that and acts like I’m a bit on the side..

Ugh. I feel disgusted. Disgusting. I want a hug.