I had my third miscarriage recently. My hormones have been out of control and have been taking a toll on my mental health. I never thought I’d turn into this person after recurring miscarriages.

The last two weeks I’ve been accusing my boyfriend who I’ve been living with for almost the last two years of cheating and checking his phone for signs of cheating when he absolutely has not proven to be a cheater and I’m basically coming up with false evidence that he may be cheating. I’ve never done this before and never been so insecure, but after each pregnancy and after each miscarriage I’ve gone thru over the last two years, it’s like I become more and more insecure and hyper vigilant and create a mess.

Last week I accused him of cheating the day after my miscarriage and then “ broke up” with me and we made up after coming to the realization that maybe it’s all my hormones etc.

A week later , I accused him of cheating because I was jealous of a female at work he briefly mentioned. He swore up and down that he wasn’t and that I was being very petty and that I was acting psychotic.

The next morning he broke up with me and told me to move out.

I admit I am acting out of character and my confidence has been very very low. I am rushing myself to work out again , Jumped back into work. I never allow myself to grieve or process my losses. It’s almost as if I subconsciously push him away on purpose.

I know he loves me and cares for me. He always proves himself to me and that I can rely on him and trust him. Deep inside I DO TRUST HIM .. but something inside me right now can’t stop revisiting these insecurities. I would be offended if my partner accused me of cheating. But god, who do I turn to?! I’m not sure if he’s really done with me or not. In the past , he’s threatened to kick me out the house a handful of times over smaller things or arguments.