I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I kept on praying for my period. I kept on saying I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I was too young. I kept on saying I couldn’t afford you right now. That I wasn’t in the right place. I took test after test and they all said you weren’t there, which I guess they weren’t wrong.

I was wrong. I would’ve made due. I would have loved you with all of my heart. I would have cried the first time I got to hold you in my arms. But instead I cry because I will never have that privilege. I cry because I was so so unbelievably wrong.

I cry because I would have loved you despite my doubt. Despite my fears of not being ready. I was ready. I am ready. But I’m too late. I am sorry. But know that I still love you. I love you with everything that I am.

Love, mommy.

*I was only a few weeks pregnant when I miscarried. By the time I started taking tests my hcg levels were so low they were undetectable. I didn’t find out until I went to the doctor for other health problems that I found out what had happened.