I can't cry

I can't sleep

I can't lay here and die

What am I supposed to do

My biggest fear is death because I don't know whats beyond it but I can't just sit here and feel sorry for myself when I've done this to myself. All these feelings I'm feeling. Trying for disability fir this nagging PTSD. Trying to get my life on track but nothing seems to be working I can't do it anymore I'm dying lupus isn't my friend it is my enemy my body is dying my body is weak I can't make it much longer. Iam too weak.