Sorry long post ahead! But this is the only place I can get this off my chest.

Is anyone else in that stage of life where you feel as if you have nobody? I mean, I’m not totally alone; I have my husband and family. But that’s just not the same as a girlfriend or two. Especially since I am pregnant, I feel alone. I don’t have any girlfriends to share this experience with or girlfriends who will throw me a shower. I do have 4 amazing sisters and one that doesn’t speak to me much and the four are so great in supporting and being there for me. But a shower thrown by your sisters is not the same as when it’s your friends doing it. When I got married, I had 4 great girlfriends. Even though only one was in my wedding, the months leading up to my wedding was an amazing experience to share with them. But I was the first to get married and nobody can understand how hard that first year of marriage is until you have lived it yourself. And let’s just say, that first year of marriage took a toll on my friendships. None of them really understood and with him being older, I haven’t formed a good connection with any of his friends wives. When one of my girlfriends got pregnant, that was when things began to fall apart. I was the one who wanted to be a mom more than anything in this world and was the only who talked about it. So I always thought I would be the first. Then shortly after this, I told them that me and my husband were going to start trying for a baby and they went crazy and did not support me. Kept telling me that my life was terrible and a mess that I didn’t need to have a baby. But for the last two months, my husband and I had been working our butts off to fix our marriage early before it was too late. We went to counseling with a local pastor and his wife. I told the girls this and that we had both grown so much in that time. At this time in my life, I was uncertain at my job and dreaded it everyday and I was questioning my future career path. I had almost been out of high school 5 years and I felt as if I had gotten nowhere in life. I felt more confused about my future than I didn’t when I graduated. Yet, I know without any certainty I wanted to be a mother. The one thing I was certain of, they bashed me for. Then, one girl’s sister, was induced two weeks early on the sole reasoning that she was uncomfortable and couldn’t handle the Braxton Hicks. I thought this was absurd and dangerous. I was happy that she did have a healthy baby. But stated there was no way in hell I would ever do that. Pregnancy is not about being comfortable and I will do everything in my power to avoid being induced because my sisters have horror stories and theirs all lead to csection. This turned into a huge argument between me and this one girl, I was polite and stated the facts that I know and she cussed me out and called me names. Not a single one of the other 3 girls stepped in to take my side or to at least say that she was out of line. Instead I was accused of attacking her family and she could call me a stupid bitch amount other things. Over the next couple of days, I contacted each girl individually to get their opinions. They all proceeded to remind me how shitty my life, my marriage, and my hob was and did not care how hurt I was. A few days later, I send out a message to once again defend myself to them all, not apologizing, but saying that we just drop the matter at hand and all cool off for a bit. They came back at me with it all again. Then came the final blow, the girl I had known the longest and was my closest friend said that my husband has brainwashed me. I tried later to at least fix things with her, but she thought I had no reason to be hurt by what she had said. So as much as it hurt then and still hurts, I had to let them all go. Ten plus years of friendship with everyone of them just vanished. These girls continued on their life like I never existed to them. My husband doesn’t seem to understand how alone I am and tries to give me “advice” on how to make friends and that just hurts even more. I have never been one to need help in making friends. I was the most outgoing out of all of my parents 7 kids. I was on all kinds of committees in school and on at least one homecoming court a year. Yet now, at the age of 23, I sit here pregnant and with no friends. My husband tells me to go out and make friends but I don’t know what he expects me to do. Just walk through town, talking to strangers until I find a friend? One that’s desperate and two it may make me look like a crazy person. But right now, I’m so worried about how I will handle things after the baby if I’m already feeling this alone.