Where was this group a year ago? Lol

Please be easy any mean words you say ive already said them to myself.

Ive been in a long term relationship and we have been trying to not have sex before marriage. Last febuary temptation beat us and in march i found out i was pregnant and we decided to have a abortion (it was for the best but still hurts none the less) now one year later i think because we both wanted it but couldnt (not Ideally anyway) we failed again and had sex and i think or actually know i am im day 3 of my missed period (very regular) im to scared to test and i know ill have to soon and i feel like i cant tell him because hes already stressed about other things and i feel so guilty and shameful ect ect. We both love kids and want the world for them but we dont have the world yet... im so sick with myself and in general i feel like this is my punishment (i know it is "wouldnt happen if we didnt" ect) but i just need a friend or someone who has been threw something alike so i dont feel so alone.