My husband and I had to make the hardest decision this morning.

I have been going through some unexplained illness. We have done many tests that come back completely clear. We have no idea what is causing the episodes. I have been out of work, unable to drive, for a week and a half (thank goodness they paid me on Friday). We have no idea how we are going to pay my medical bills or even rent since my husband is a high school teacher. We also have no idea how long it will take to find an answer or if our lives will ever be normal again.

Because of this we had to decide to stop trying for a baby.

The thing that terrifies me most is that we will get an answer that will cause us to never be able to feel the joy of being parents.

This whole thing breaks my heart. And what hurts the most is not the not knowing. It’s the thought that i will never feel what it feels like to become a mother.

I know this isn’t the place for this but i feel like if anyone really understands the sadness of this situation it would be you ladies here.