Something to let off

When I was about 5-6 I was constantly molested by my older brother... I was young and didn’t know what any of it really meant ... one day I found the courage to say no and it never happened again. Years go by and now I’m on my 20s . Those years were the most painful for me. After my grandad died I lost it ... I started getting high ... even taking 4 Tylenols a day just to feel a little high during my middle school/high school days. I lost my virginity to a boy I thought I loved... well I wouldn’t know if I technically lost it to him... if I was already touched down there before the right time.... sex was ok ... but I had sex with any guy that I would think that loves me .. shows me attention .. someone that makes me feel pretty .... I was the talk of the town... the hoe nobody really wanted to be friends with ... until I met a real friend .. Angel.. I spoke to her about my life and she stuck by my side ever since. We swore to never judge each other and to never betray one another . I love her. She’s a friend I would never have thought I would have. I have 8siblings and only talk to 5 of them. I confronted my so called brother someone who was supposed to protect me and he began to act as if I’m crazy or Im just looking for attention. What the hell would I benefit from that... my life was flipped upside down because of him and his pathetic ass couldn’t even tell me why he would do something so evil. He wants to go off and tell my oldest siblings lies, which till this day only god knows what was said. It’s sad that I can’t see my nieces and nephews because of something that someone else has done to me. I will always love my nieces and nephews but really... fuck them for not trying to come to me... fuck them for wanting to be the 3 amigos... fuck them. That’s not family , and will never be. Anyway... the time I was in tenth grade ... I met this boy. When I first seen him I just knew that I had to have him . I just knew he wasn’t like other boys. We began talking for a couple months then we dated. He never touched me inappropriately or even took me out just to try to get in my pants. He sincerely wanted to be in my life and I wanted to be in his. We had sex 9 months after dating, which meant a lot to me. We’ve been together for 6 years now and I’m glad god put this man in my life. I can finally feel safe y’all. I’m finally safe. It took a lot on me to get out of the rut I was in .. if I can do it you can to. Don’t let anyone control your life don’t let anyone bring you down because at the end of it all..... you have to be strong for you. You can survive . IT WONT END UNTIL YOU SAY STOP. Speak.