Mixed emotions

I had a miscarriage with our first pregnancy back in November. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever went through, and I’m terrified for it to happen again. We just found out we’re pregnant with hopefully our rainbow. We haven’t told anyone yet, and yesterday my sister in law texted us and said she’s pregnant.

When I read it I had so many mixed emotions that I just started sobbing. I HATE myself for feeling this way.. but the only thing I can think about is that if I lose this baby she’ll be having one right when we should have. And the baby will just be a constant reminder of what mine should have been.

So I guess my question is am I a jerk for feeling this way? I’d feel so horrible if she found out that I feel this way because I don’t want to put a damper on her happiness 😫 my miscarriage has really just caused so many emotions that I don’t know how to process.