Hey girls,

I know many of you will roll you eyes at me because I’m still with my boyfriend.

After he broke up with me he told me to give his things I had at my place back. I was devastated.

He also said he will give me my gifts that I made him back. I told him to throw them away, he said he can’t. So I told him since he can throw me away, why can’t he throw them away?

I went downstairs, he stood there all quiet.

I started crying and asking him “why did you do this to me? What did I do wrong?” He said “Nothing, we just don’t need this” later he started wiping my tears. I told him to stop doing that. He didn’t listen... kept wiping.

I told him “Why?....” and just broke down so bad... he started hugging me. Saying “Shhhh”

And said “I’m so sorry... I won’t leave you... I can’t...now you can be calm I won’t leave you ever again it was a test for me and I won’t find a better girl than you”

Fast forward to today:

I’m in USA currently for a week, he is in Ukraine at training camp with national team of our country. It’s been very hard and weird because I just feel like he is not appreciating me and just using me and it hurts even more.

Yesterday I told him I would like to not make love for a little while to have a clear head and see how deeply connected we are. He agreed and had no problem with such a test. I wrote him a beautiful paragraph of how much making love with him makes me feel, how much I cherish it and how I don’t want that beautiful spark to disappear... I expected a normal reaction. But he started to yell at me... calling me names for the first time. Calling me stupid... saying that everything is already beautiful and that I overthink stuff (I was just saying how much I appreciate the connection we have !!!!!) he took it as overthinking. He got mad for me writing paragraphs... sharing my feelings...

he said that now I won’t get anything from him as a punishment. He never called me names before... I didn’t do anything wrong! I felt so hurt... he said that he doesn’t want to see me nor hear me but still kept writing me and calling. He said that my “overthinking” pushes him away and sooner or later he will dump me because of it.

I ignored him all day. I was very hurt... very...

I didn’t do anything. He called me crazy and unstable.. he called me sick... 😭😭😭

Today:

I woke up feeling horrible... feeling broken...

he wrote me a sweet message... I didn’t feel anything... he called me and we just were all the time quiet. Then i started saying “I’m sorry for yesterday...” he said “Same”

And I said “I just wanted to say that I didn’t mean what you thought i did... the point of my message was different. I only have issues when you always say you will leave me ...”

he said “Why do you think I will leave you?”

I said “You bring it up all the time !”

He said “That is your fault, you made me say it”

Then he said “Gotta go, have training...”

and now I’m laying down miserable.... hurt so badly... why is he doing that to me...?

What did I do wrong...? I don’t want to believe that I was fooled... that he used me all this time... that I imagined our relationship but in reality it’s just him using me .... 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I need positive energy... I need emotional support .... how to become worthy? How to become happy? 😭😭😭 why did I deserve this ?

How should I act with him?