I need your help!! Ways to combat postpartum depression/anxiety as a SAHM?!

Hello!! I writing this in hope of getting a little advice from you lovely ladies! Let me start by saying that I AM talking to a doctor about this but I refuse to take medication. I am looking for ways to improve my mood and overall quality of life.

♥️I KNOW THIS IS LONG BUT PLEASEEE READ!!! ♥️🤞

As a backstory, I am 26 and have a beautiful baby boy that just turned 1 on February 7th. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me (and his daddy of course) around 5 months postpartum my anxiety started getting really severe, right around the time I returned to work. As soon as i found out I was pregnant I began having anxiety, it was always manageable though. When he was born it intensified but for a while I thought it was just normal. When I returned to work at 3 months PP, it started getting a out of hand. I would call/text my bf multiple times an hour to check in on him. If he didn’t answer I would start shaking and crying uncontrollably, I was convinced my son was dying. I would leave work to check on them often since it was a 5 min drive. I would freak out!! Every second of my shift I was worried about my son. I began to have anxiety about other things too, which is deff not like me at all. It drove me crazy. Fast forward to 8 months PP, I quit my job of 8 years as a manager, because it was all too much. On top of the severe anxiety and worrying, I would get 2 hours of sleep a day. My son didn’t fall asleep until 5-7 in the morning and I’d get up at 8am to go to work. My shift ended at 5pm, as soon as I walked in the door my bf had to leave for work. He works 5pm-5am. Of course I would have my son the entire time. When my bf got home he’d go to sleep and I’d go to sleep around 6-7am when my son finally fell asleep. It was just too much to handle. Once I quit my job, things started to improve.

It wasn’t too long after that I started battling depression. I started to feel worthless, inadequate and ugly. I hated not working to support my family, I’ve always worked for everything that I had. I’d convinced myself that my bf was falling out of love with me, started becoming obsessed with searching through his phone. That’s not like me at all, I’ve always trusted my bf and he’s never given me a reason not to. I felt like I was ugly and gross and he couldn’t possibly love me still. He’s been very patient and understanding about the whole thing. He tells me every day that he loves me more than ever, that I’m more attractive to him than ever since we had our son. He treats me amazing, he always has. He’s amazing to me!

I understand now that I am putting these things in my head and have decided to focus on my mental health. As of now, I don’t ever do anything. I stay home all day because I’m scared to drive in the car with my son. I don’t go out, I don’t have any visitors, nothing. I just stay home all day, cook, clean and watch my son (which I lovee, I’m so blessed to be able to spend every day with my son) I truly believe that being cooped up in the house all day with nothing new and exciting to do is contributing to my depression. It’s winter where I live so I can’t just go to the park or have time outside much.

Anyone have any ideas on things I can do to help with my depression? I have been trying to think of ways that I can contribute more. I’ve been taking control of the bills and making sure all of those kinds of things are taken care of so my bf doesn’t have to. I am trying to be more organized and think of more crafty ideas to help teach my son. We’ve been doing more activities and we are currently teaching him letters and colors. He’s getting very good at using sign language and trying to talk now too. What do some of you ladies do as a SAHM so you don’t go crazy in the house all day? Are their certain routines you do? Activities with your child? Things to do to get out of the house? I’m open to any ideas!

Thank you so much!