this is more just to vent. i’ll be 19 in april when i have my baby and i’m just not willing to sacrifice my future for hers. i know this sounds wrong, but bear with me. i chose life instead of abortion because i knew in my heart it was the best decision, but i’ve gone through my whole pregnancy alone (minus my mom and dad) and all i can look forward to is life after baby is out. these past 7 months i’ve grown so much stronger in my Faith, devotionals, and prayer. so i know that, for this reason, baby was an unplanned blessing. but i find myself unhappy imagining raising a baby. having to look for a job knowing she’ll have to be in daycare so young. my boyfriend and i broke up because he only cares about his life. we don’t even text. i see him once a month for my OB appointments.

i only anticipate getting my life back. no longer being ashamed of my swollen bump, hiding in the house. going back to the gym. enrolling in college. moving forward. traveling. things i have yet to experience and had to put on hold. my sister, cousin, and some of my friends make me feel really bad for considering adoption. i used to feel strongly about keeping babygirl but now, i just don’t know.