In December of 2016 I had a late term abortion . I was 17 and I just had my first daughter in May 2016. My partner was abusive and I felt so scared of being pregnant again . My whole pregnancy I was torn between keeping it or not and I even went in to get an abortion 3 times but every time I couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t even go to a doctor until I was 16 weeks and I didn’t get prenatal care until after. I was in a bad place mentally after just having my daughter and I couldn’t believe I was pregnant again. I felt so ashamed . Finally when I was 21 weeks pregnant I decided to have the abortion. It was the worst experience of my life and I regretted it immediately. I already knew I was having a girl and I’m not exactly sure why I went through with it. I wasn’t attached to the pregnancy but I was so heartbroken over what I had done . After the procedure the doctor said the baby was very small for my gestation and it didn’t look like it was going to progress well if I had kept it. I had been hit and dragged during my pregnancy and don’t know if she was hurt by that. In October 2018 I found out I was pregnant again and I knew keeping it was what was right for me this time. I’m now 23 weeks pregnant and it’s a boy this time. I feel so bad and heartbroken over what I did two years ago, especially because I’m pregnant again and decided to keep it. I cry myself to sleep every night and sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy thinking of the baby I could’ve had . I don’t know what to do or how to get over it and move on . I don’t think I’ll ever move on and I think I’ll be haunted about my decision for the rest of my life. I’ve never spoken about this to anyone and I’m not sure if anyone’s gone through something similar but if you have any guidance would be appreciated