I have been in an abusive marriage, but I wasn’t ready to allow myself to become aware of the abuse until I became pregnant. It’s fascinating how you truly are ready to do anything to protect your baby from the minute you know it’s inside you. Anywho, here is my story:

My husband and I got married last year after having dated for about a year and a half. It was wonderful. He was a handsome, smooth-talking gentleman who held doors open for me, worked a steady 9-5, and professed his love for me daily. He was a little jealous, but at the time I thought to myself, “how sweet! He loves that I’m HIS woman. I’ve never had a man care so much about being MY MAN.”

On our wedding night, the jealousy got a little extreme. I had been talking to his younger, single friend with relationship problems that night. I gave him advice using an anecdotal story about a mistake I made in high school that many young people make: falling for a guy, thinking it’s love, and then realizing you’re not ready.

That night, my husband spit on me in our bedroom and poured a beer on me. He called me a slut, disgusting, and a liar. Although I hadn’t lied about anything, he felt that I talked about my ex boyfriend from high school “too endearingly.” I spent my wedding night in tears.

The next day he “remembered nothing.” All of a sudden, the cycle of my husband getting drunk, accusing me of things I’ve never done, and physically and verbally abusing me, started. I believed every promise of change. I noticed improvements that weren’t actually happening. I chose to only acknowledge his “good days” and wrote off his bad ones as “drunk mistakes.” “After all, haven’t we all said something stupid when drunk before? Maybe his are just mean drunk mistakes. That’s ok, right?” I would think.

When I got pregnant in January, it was a bit of a surprise. Although we had been trying, my husband was heavily addicted to pornography and was rarely in the mood to have sex with me. But sure enough, two lines popped up and I was pregnant. He even cried tears of joy when I told him. Within days, however, I was abused like none other.

He began to resent our baby, and me, because he “had always dreamed of living a life of sex, drugs, and rock n roll” and I was “too GOOD” to handle that. Our baby would “only make him feel guilty for living the lifestyle he wanted.” He drank incessantly. He quit his job and therefore stripped me of health insurance.

Within a week of knowing I was pregnant, his abuse turned physical. He threw me up against a wall, squeezed my head, and dragged me up the stairs by my collar and hair when I tried to run away. I called the police, who immediately arrested and incarcerated him. I was off to the emergency room to make sure my baby was ok.

Sure enough, the baby is alright. I’m fine, aside from some trauma and stress that I’m actively trying to relieve. I’m so thankful that my protective instinct and love towards this baby gave me the strength to finally leave the man I wouldn’t ever admit was abusive towards me.

Being a single mother actually is pretty exciting! I’ve got a lot of unexpected planning to do, and a lot of court dates to attend, but I have a strong feeling that everything is going to turn out great. If any of you have tips on single motherhood, please comment them or send me a message :) In the meantime I’ll be working on my little one’s savings account, organizing and stockpiling baby supplies, and finalizing this divorce.

Wish me luck and never forget to put your babies FIRST ❤️