Ok so this is something that has been bothering me for quite a while and I haven’t opened up to ANYONE about it for fear of judgement, so please just hear me out and be kind.. I am someone who has struggled with infertility for years, had to go through

<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>, and has had multiple losses. I want to make this clear: I love my baby and want him more than anything in this entire world. I would literally give my life for him. I would never ever do anything to compromise his health or safety and I have been super cautious and proactive throughout my pregnancy. However, I have been plagued with these intrusive negative and scary thoughts that are the COMPLETE opposite of my true feelings for my baby and pregnancy. It’s like they are uncontrollable, and they make me feel extremely uncomfortable and INCREDIBLY guilty.

I fear that god will take my baby if he hears these thoughts and it just terrifies me. Some of the thoughts are things like wishing the baby would die or other terrible terrible things. I pray for god to take these thoughts from my mind. The best way I can describe it is like PPD but prenatally. It is so hard to write this right now but I am hoping that I am not alone and that someone out there can help. I am also terrified that this is a sign that I will have bad PPD. I have terrible anxiety and have been to therapy in the past but I am currently on bedrest and can’t go. Has anyone else experienced this?

I won’t be responding to comments to keep myself anonymous but please know that I appreciate any helpful or kind responses 💜