This will definitely come out controversial, so fair warning.

My baby daddy is an Iraq war infantry vet. I will never understand what he has been through and in the four years since we have met, I have also had no idea how to help him.

He is very private about his feelings and I probably only know a small handful of his stories/triggers. He used to be an alcoholic when we first met but we had 2 daughters together and ended up breaking up over the alcohol use so he got clean. Been clean for two years this month. I am immensely proud of him for that.

So now to what this post is about.

In Decemeber of 2018 he decided he wanted to start cashing in on his VA benefits. In order to start this process they required him to take a mental health evaluation. The doctors decided he needed to be on multiple medications for anxiety/depression/PTSD/mood disorder. This is the first time he has ever been prescribed medication or gone to a doctor for his mental health. As soon as he came home from the appointment he was a different person. He was honest with me about the fact that the doctors got him to talk about everything. He told them everything that bothers him. I was supportive and I let him put his head on my lap and cry while he talked about the appointment. He still wouldnt tell me about the war but I was 100% supportive of that too. I did not push him. I never have.

So he became super needy and cuddly and I was eating it all up. I loved the attention and loved that he was being vulnerable for the first time in our 4 years together. I did wish that their was more that I could do but I felt pretty helpful by just listening. This whole time however he was abusing his medications and his prescription ran out long before his second one was supposed to be issued. He knew he had to go to the doctor and explain what happened but after the way they made him feel the first time we was extremely reluctant. I ended up pushing him a little bit and we went to the appointment together. We was completely honest with the doctors and they prescribed him a different less addictive medicine. We took it home and he started to abuse it as well and his depression started to worsen. It got dark and we decided to completely stop the meds before it could get any worse. Throughout this whole time (Decemeber/January) we were honest with each other and on the same page and our communication was really good.

But on February 2nd an ex of his waved to him on Facebook. He ignored it like a good boy but I took it upon myself to message back saying "this is his girlfriend, you can go now" or something like that and I blocked her from his phone. We kinda laughed over it and went to bed. The next morning I woke up to a long text message from her on my Facebook messenger about how immature I am and I dont need to harrass her or whatever. I texted back and she texted again. Anywho, I didn't think too much of it. I texted my boyfriend at work and said "I need a drink" so he brought me home a bottle of wine after work. I started to vent about the fight with his ex and he kind of got snappy with me. He said how I should have left it alone and I was being immature. Which made me cranky because it felt like he was taking her side. And I kept explaining that I wasnt mad at him, it's not his fault his ex is crazy... I just wanted to vent so shut up and let me vent so we can have sex or something. Haha but that fight ended up BLOWING up and he left to stay the night at his moms house.

Fast forward a whole week, hes been ignoring my texts and blocking my calls. So I text his mom and ask what's going on and if he plans on coming home any time soon.

She came back at me all argumentative and saying I'm so self absorbed for thinking about myself and the kids when hes clearly having a hard time with his PTSD. Which completely took me by shock. I guess by the time of our fight he had already been off of the meds for about a week and he was acting normal. I was just oblivious I guess. So now it's been 20 days since I have heard anything from him. I called today and he accidentally answered. He yelled at me for being a liar and a cheater and he said I should file for full custody and just charge him for child support because he doesn't want to see me again and he doesn't plan on being in our kids' lives anymore...

I don't know what to do. My family and friends all villanize him and tell me I need to move on. But I just dont think that's the right thing to do for my kids or for him. And it's not what I want to do, because I love him and I want him to feel better and I want us to have a life together.

Edit: he is correct in calling me a cheater btw. I cheated once in October because I felt I wasnt being heard and I was just really mad at him. That's a whole other story. And I kept it from him for a month before I kind of threw it in his face in Novemeber during an argument. We broke up for probably like 3 days and that's when he went to sleep with this ex that waved at him on Facebook. But I felt like I deserved that and we called it even. Got back together. And then that's when the rest of this story starts.

Please don't tell me we are toxic for each other and we need to just break up. I am so sick of that advice and honestly I am not proud to be a part of the latest trend of baby mommas and daddies who don't get married or stay together. I want to marry this man. I want to have a family. So I am looking for advice on how to mend, not run. Thank you.