Finally getting help.
Please keep in mind this is hard for me to weite, I dont want any judgment comments, or people saying I’m a bad mom, I’m going through things I didn’t realize were a problem.
So, my second baby is now 18months old. And it took me this long to realize the issues that have been growing.
I have come to realize I have had Post Partum Depression/Anxiety/Anger.
When I went to my 6 week appointment I remember telling my OB i was doing great, felt great etc. but I was a little more edgy but I blamed it on after baby hormones.
Then months went by, my baby ALWAYS screamed, bf-ing was hard, having a toddler was hard, and I found myself getting mad alot. Just flying off the handle and yelling at my toddler over pretty stupid things. I want to tell you all now, I do NOT spank my child, my anger is through words, not physical.
No one tells you this side of Post Partum. I had to google it to see what was wrong with me... and there it was. An article about a woman who after her second kid, went through the exact same thing.
Anger, split second temper, constantly feeling tired, etc.
I felt a bit of relief knowing that I can help this!! It’s been a huge stresser on my marriage, my husband has grown a resentment towards me over how I’ve been acting, or things I say. He figured having. 2 kids was a big stress for me, even told me we’re having no more kids until I started acting better. How embarrassing!!
I knew this wasn’t who I was!! I’m trapped in a body that’s spiraling.
With my first son, everyone always commented on how calm and wonderful of a mom I was, but after my second, life honestly was great. But as months progressed I got worse. Blaming it on stages of my kids life, maybe getting less sleep etc.
Ugh. So anyway, I called my OB and got an appointment to talk about things.
But now my fear is no one will believe me about how I have changed, and how I know it’s not the person I’ve always been. I’m scared they’re going to judge me and I’ll get no help 😕
So say a prayer that things go good, because I cant keep going on like this.
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