I’ve been with my man for 6 years. We have a beautiful home, a comfortable lifestyle and three beautiful children. We have one together, and each have one from a previous.

When we first met it was instantaneous loveand that beautiful connection. As time passed and the years drifted by I can undeniably say I am not sure where it went? I love him with all I have but something says maybe I deserve better? Maybe he deserves better? Am I not good enough? Will I ever be good enough?

We’ve been through hell and back more than once and right now I am at rock bottom. Here I am sleeping next to him crying myself to sleep. Every night I try to have sex with him. He pushes me off and says he’s not in the mood. It’s been over a month. A fucking month! We’re at the rate where sex is once a month if that and it’s like routine sex

Every evening I make sure our home is tidy and clean like he likes and that he has a home cooked dinner on the table that is waiting for him.

Well the other night we were in bed and I heard him tell our baby “ I love you” and something came over me and I asked him, “ how come you no longer say I love you” and he lashed out with “shut the fuck up! Get off my back” so I turned over and went to sleep. Little did he know tears started to come streamin!

we didn’t speak for a good 2 days after this. So the night we kind of started to talk I said “ would you like to have sex with me?” He said no to tired. I said okay. And turned over. For the next 10 minutes he was in his phone texting and I was understandably upset. And said trying to sleep. Put your phone on silent no one wants to hear you text all night. He responded with “ you are so fucking annoying.

So for the first time in a very long time I stood my ground. I said “ what makes you think it’s okay to speak to me that way. How disrespectful. That’s disgusting behavior and if my kids ever spoke to anyone like this they would be damned! I am done I can’t take this anymore.”

Well. Now here I am. Sad. Lonely . And feel not good enough.

I just want to feel loved and beautiful and like a whole. And wanted.

But why am I so empty? How did we even get to this point? Where did I go wrong ?

I am honestly thinking about maybe leaving and starting over. But the thought of falling on my face to find my purpose is scary as hell! To think I wasn’t good enough for the man I love but doesn’t love me kills me. To think if we broke up and to see him with another woman would be the worst feeling.

I am not looking for sympathy I am simply looking for advice. I have no one to talk to. But I want to be kissed and hugged and loved. I couldn’t even tell you the last kiss or hug we have given each other.

Sorry this is so long but honestly felt great to vent and read it with my own eyes.