...because that happened tonight. In front of my husband. Just figured I’d get it out there. If you’re squeamish don’t keep reading. 😂

Yesterday I felt great all day. Had a good brunch with my family, went for a walk, played with our puppy, etc. I had some pizza for supper and then took my son to meet my best friend and her parents at a Mexican restaurant. But before you jump to conclusions, it wasn’t the Mexican restaurant that got me lol. All I had was a mango margarita and a tiiiiiny bit of queso with chips. But the stomach flu has been going around our town. Yay.

About the time we got home I was feeling a bit crappy. I figured it was because I had eaten a lot of heavy/greasy food which normally I avoid, so I snacked on some carrots and watched TV. About 8pm I get this sudden urge to vomit, and run upstairs. But I didn’t puke, just got horrible hiccups and diarrhea. But I couldn’t. Leave. The bathroom. I tried once and immediately felt nauseous. So I’m just laying on the bathroom floor. I’m texting my husband the whole time because he’s downstairs with some friends and I send him “I’m peeing out my ass.” 😂 We have a weird relationship. We’ve never seen each other poop (want to maintain some mystery in our marriage) but we pee in front of each other all the time and if one of us has a particularly memorable dump we’ll describe it to the other. 🤷🏼‍♀️

So after a while I ask him to send his friends home because I’m feeling HORRIBLE. Like equally as nasty as the stuff coming out of my ass. And I don’t want them to hear the she-devil sounds I’m making in the upstairs bathroom.

So my husband walks into the bathroom right as I am explosively vomiting carrot and margarita into the toilet, and guys I shit myself. Literally. I couldn’t keep it in. It just came out onto the bathroom rug and my feet. And I’m crying and sweating and my mascara is running and the bathroom smells like pure hell and there is my poop on the floor and on me, so I beg him to leave, so he does for a moment. But he comes back in and gives me the sweetest smile and his gorgeous brown eyes are twinkling and says “You’re my wife. I don’t care if you vomit or poop yourself, I love you. What can I do to help?” I just about lost it.

He proceeds to put up with my multiple vomit/shit sessions for the next 4 hours and fetches me popsicles and water and calls the ER when I’m starting to vomit blood and he is so kind and patient and never once complained or made fun of me. I am so incredibly lucky. He is such a kind and compassionate human being. We have been sick with stuff nonstop since mid-January. First regular colds, then my son got RSV and an ear infection, then I got the exact same thing, and now this. I’m just in awe of his ability to see past the nasty bits of life and still see the person underneath all that. I figured this was a bit too graphic to share on social media but people have shared nastier things on here so. 🤷🏼‍♀️

And here is the man of the hour with our adorable little boy who somehow slept through everything even though his bedroom his right next to the bathroom. 😭