Last year in July my boyfriend had deployed overseas and around August I had been thinking I may have been pregnant because I missed my period and I was beginning to get extremely tired for no reason and when did bleed it was minimal and only occurred once.I still had waited for a real period but a few weeks later I decided to take a pregnancy test.4 actually😕I just wanted to be sure that I wasn’t freaking out for no reason.At this point I let him know I look the at home test and was going to confirm at the doctors office with another test but during his deployment there wasn’t as much communication as there should have been so he found days after I had texted and called to let him know. The final test came back positive. At this point I was scared.he told everybody at work and a few friends about the pregnancy. I was 19 at the time a he was 23 and I had always expressed to him that I love kids and I wanted to have some one day but I wanted to be in a position where my career is flourishing and I would not have to worry about providing for my baby and he doesn’t seem to understand my point of view. So I thought about it and he left the decision up to me. I told him I didn’t want to bring a baby in this world and not be able to provide for them and I don’t think I could go through with the pregnancy and give my baby away to let someone else which looking back was so selfish. He then told me about the clinic I could go to for the abortion and I found one and set up an “appointment” . When I say appointment the lady on the phone said it was an appoint but when I got there it was the most crowded clinic I had ever seen and I waited for three hours before I was seen. At my first appointment they let me know that am 6 weeks pregnant.showed me an ultrasound counseled me asked me if I was doing the pill or the surgery gave me lots of paperwork and gave me a pregnancy test (not in that exact order) My second visit about 2 weeks later is when I got an exam and they gave me my pills for the abortion. I went home followed the instructions and the process started within 2hours and the worst part lasted for about 3 days.Keep in mind i’ also in the military so I had already gone through the process at the clinic on base of getting a profile, getting a referral to an obgyn and having to make an appointment and talking to everyone over there I needed to about my pregnancy. Abortion was not an option is what they told me. So I had to end up telling everyone who needed to know at work that I had a miscarriage knowing what I had really done. After the 3 days I had to go see my obgyn to make sure all of the “product of conception” was being passed as it should have. It had not passed for about to weeks. I bled for the next month and a half and didn’t get my first real period since May/June 2018 til last month in January. my boyfriend also came home around the time.I just don’t know how to overcome these feeling of hatred towards myself and feeling some type of way because I went through it completely by myself. I know this is kind of long and I may have left some things out but I just would like some feedback