**TRIGGER WARNING** talking about pregnancy to a friend who experienced a loss?

Question

I’m a little over 14 weeks with my first, and I excitedly told my coworker. After a couple of weeks, she shared with me that her son was born sleeping at 38 weeks over 20 years ago.
Although she seems okay, I know that’s something you never, EVER heal from completely, and I’m worried that my pregnancy might upset her, especially since I’m also having a little boy.
Should I ask her if I should avoid the topic with her? Or just not bring it up at all? Advice would be welcome 😕

Answer

I was pregnant the same time as my best friend. She was 7 weeks in front of me in the pregnancy. Her son also died at 7 weeks old, my son was born exactly 7 days later. I was heartbroken, how do I tell my best friend that I've just given birth when she lost her 7 week old 1 week ago!? I had to phone her, an hour after I've given birth to tell her. I wanted her to hear it from me sooner rather than later. My son is now 6 months, we still talk every day if not every other day, I've seen her a few times since I've given birth but it's been when my son is in bed. At the start I didn't talk about my son to her, I didn't want to rub it in her face what my son was doing etc.. then she started asking how he was and I was like he's fine. I'd never go into details. But as time has gone on she's asking about him a lot more, bought him presents and has done face time with him. It's so hard, my heart sinks for her and her partner and son. But she knows I understand and it'll never get in the way of our friendship. She will meet my son in time, it's just still so raw. With us both having boys 7 weeks apart, seeing my son hit milestones when she didn't even get a chance to see her son do one. Sorry that it's not advice, just thought I'd share this.

Answer

Just ask her. I don’t know what felt worse for me, people avoiding or people shoving it in my face. Half of the time you don’t even know how you’re gonna react to things. Everything can be a trigger but it’s better to ask and try to gage where she is. Also, everyone is different and every situation will be different. Be excited but if she’s a close friend that you enjoy talking to, then be flexible with her feelings too.

TRIGGER WARNING talking about pregnancy to a friend who experienced a loss?

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