For three years my boyfriend and I been going in circles with our relationship.

At the beginning, after about a handful of dates and sleeping together the first time, I felt like something was off, as if we weren’t “falling for each other”.

So I expressed this to him.

I told him it wasn’t working and I went on my own way.

(I also dated other people casually after this, even an ex)

Wasn’t expecting to try it again but it wasn’t long till he was trying to rekindle things.

We did get along well and he was a very nice man...I figured I would give it another shot.

And this is where the cycle begins.

We dated again but I still had that feeling of no connection.

I was hugging him, wanting cuddles and deep long eye contact with meaningful conversations but he wasn’t reciprocating or even noticing it.

Was like sitting in a room with a another person but having no interaction: We were simple just “there”.

I told him more of how I felt.

He responded that the reason he was closed off was because I hurt him when I left and dated other people.

Which I totally understand.

But also, in my mind, I left in the first place because I felt like he was closed off to start.

Now we have been on and off for years.

He’s closed off cause I leave, I leave cause he’s closed off .... over and over.

He’ll chase me. Convince me that we need to work on this. Almost begs and says such promising things...

But after chasing me so hard and gets me, he isn’t excited or embracing me, in fact he seems depressed instead.

I asked him why that happens...

He said he thinks it’s because he’s more scared of me not being there at all, than me at least being there??

What does that even mean??

Please please help!

Update: I went back this morning and asked him what he meant by his answer... this is what he says (see photo)

I feel stuck.

I’m scared to leave because maybe you could be the one if we ever got through this but seems impossible