I graduated highschool early because I was too anxious and depressed to go to school. For over a month I looked for a job that my mind could handle but they wouldn't take a glance at me. I called every week. My peers got hired but not me. I forced myself to apply to a place that I knew my anxiety couldn't handle. Today was my second day at a minimum wage quick service and I am already overwhelmed with anxiety and stress. I've been crying all day and in the first time in a few months I want to cut myself. My boyfriend is too far away to comfort me, I no longer have friends, and my mother isn't always right in the head to speak to me. My grandparents think I'm a lost cause whose possesed with demons in her head. I am not going to school and if I do not work I am a failure.

Going to college seems pointless now. If I can't go to highschool and work at a fast food place, how will I go to college? I can't even do those simple things. Everyone else makes it look so easy but for me it makes me want to throw up and curl up in a ball. The employees look at me with pity and tell me to speak up. I try but my throat only tightens up. I'll probably get fired. Even driving is difficult because my anxiety clouds my judgement and I can't even decide whether to turn left or right or to stop. I don't know what to do. I can't do anything like everybody else can. All of you make it look so easy. There's people with bipolar who can function, so why can't I?

Currently, the only thing I want to do is cut my arms until my veins pop and pray that I will get re-admitted before I bleed out. I want to be admitted for a long time so that I do not have to worry about anything.

I can't do anything. I want to die.