Hey guys, It’s my birthday tomorrow, in just a couple hours actually. February 28th. 24 years old.

A couple weeks ago I was in a happy (or what I thought was happy at the time) relationship that I was convinced was unbreakable, this guy was going to be my end goal and he already had a ring for me in his pocket. We were so in love. That’s what I thought.

A week ago I found out I was pregnant with him. I got pregnant off of my first time having sex and losing my virginity to him, what are the odds. It only took one time. I’ve wanted kids my whole life, but this wasn’t the moment I wanted. I was scared out of my mind.

The same day I found out I was pregnant, my 24 year old boyfriend found out he was the father of his crazy ex’s newborn. The DNA tests came back even though he was 99% sure there was no way it could be his. Here I was pregnant with a guy who just found out he had a son with his ex.

The last day I saw him, I didn’t know it would be the last time. I hugged him and kissed him and he told me he would choose me again and again until forever.

The moment I stepped out of his car to get into mine, something was off. He became consumed on his phone, usually he looks at me, blows a kiss, waves. This time he never looked. I waited for a long time, then finally drove off. He never looked, that was the last time I saw him.

A few minutes later I got screenshots from his ex. Minutes after I had left, he was texting his ex. He told her he swears he will convince me not to have this kid and that she’s his family. “Baby I swear I’m not keeping this kid, I have a family which is you guys” he said.

The ex called me. She told me he’d been cheating on me. That he has more kids with her. That she knows so many intimate details about me because he shared everything with her. She knew so many personal things about me, things I told him in confidence, things I trusted him with.

I broke up with him that night, a day before Valentine’s Day. Even though I wanted to scream, I did it with nothing but respect for him, respectfully and maturely.

I was broken. I thought he loved me. How could every moment be a lie. Everything he did for me, every look of pure love in his eyes? A lie? The next day he vowed to make my life miserable. You’ll never be happy, he texted me.

I have conservative parents, he used that to his advantage and found my fathers workplace and left him a package. A package full of my positive pregnancy tests that he said he wanted to keep for his own sentimental reasons. He wrote my dad a letter, shaming me. He got a hold of my brother and my mothers cell phone numbers and sent them hundreds of pictures of us. Things you don’t want your parents or older brother to see. He sent his ex to my workplace and to my doorstep. He called the cops for no reason. He harassed me endlessly. (Cops involved.)

He stripped my of dignity. He stripped me of the opportunity to tell my parents in my own words. He left me pregnant. My pregnancy was horrible from the start, I vomited every hour and was terribly sick for all of it. My body was rejecting it and I miscarried before I could even figure out what I wanted. He stripped me of so many of my firsts. He guilted me and told me I killed his baby, while he was the only one who ever even uttered the words abortion out of his mouth. The last time I saw him he told me I need to get an abortion because we couldn’t have this kid, he told me not to let him down. That broke me then and it breaks me now.

I’m sick. My heart hurts. My brain is confused. I’m scared because this guy might still try to hurt even though I gave him nothing but love and honesty. I was willing to give him everything.

On his birthday just a month ago I went out of my way to make him feel on top of the world. I texted him every hour of his day to celebrate him and I kept him hyped up though all of it. He said I made it amazing for him. His bday weekend I gave him 24 letters of 24 reasons I love him. On my birthday, I feel like he gave me one million shots of pain.

It’s my birthday. Happy 24th to me. Although there’s darkness, I keep searching for light and am thankful for another day and another year!