So I don’t really know where to post this, but I just need to vent and get it off my chest. It’s been weighing so heavily on my heart. When I was 22 I had an abortion.😔💔 I was scared and both me and my now husband (boyfriend at the time) were getting ready to start grad school. I grew up in a very strict Mexican household, having a child out of wedlock would have been unacceptable and I was scared. I thought that I always had to be the perfect daughter and live up to their expectations. The truth is, I could make excuse after excuse for doing what I did, but the honest to God truth is that I was just scared. Deep down I wanted to keep my baby more than anything and was begging the universe to give me a sign that I should keep it, that everything was going to be ok, but I never got it. I know it doesn’t work that way, but I was scared and desperate. Looking back, I know we could have made it work and I regret my decision every single day. I fell into a deep depression shortly after and I’ve never recovered. I was selfish and it’s probably what I deserved. It’s been 5 years now and I still cry myself to sleep every now and then. The reason why I had to vent is because we finally got married a little more than a year ago, and we’ve been trying to conceive almost since the day of our wedding. This past year has been so emotionally draining and heartbreaking, we’ve had no success.

I cannot get it out of my mind that maybe I threw away my one chance. 💔 That maybe I’m being punished. That this is finally the consequence of my actions. I’m 27 now and have everything that I planned on having at this age, except the 1 thing I want the most and the 1 thing I took for granted. 💔 I’ve never told anyone about this, only my husband knows. I pray to God everyday to forgive me for what I did and bless me with a healthy baby. I hope one day I can forgive myself.