This might be long I'll try to make it short & to the point, I'm sorry. I dont have anyone to talk to.

I've struggled with depression & anxiety since my early teen years (13) as my teenage years weren't the best. First time I'll ever be typing this.. my unlce molested me when I was about 9-11, told my mom in fear of it happening to my niece. My mom, dad, stepdad and cousin were the only ones who believed me.. he molested my mom too... most of my family still see him on the regular.. his picture still hangs at my grandparents house & hes still brought up at Thanksgiving/Christmas ... Divorced parents at the age of 3, off & on relationship with my dad. My mom & step dad are great people NOW... but used meth .. step dad gambled what little money we had. We were dirt poor & I learned to be by myself.. to trust nobody. I turned 18 & was with an evil man for 2 1/2 years he beat me down verbally & physically. I was so low I'm surprised I survived at some points. I lost my best friend of 15yr due to suicide not long after which beat me down even more but then at 20 I found out I was pregnant. He told me if I ever left him he would kill us both. So I grab the little bit of courage I had left, asked my dad if I could live with him & I moved back home. It was hard, he stole my car. Made every threat he could think of but I didnt stop went to court & a restraining order & also got full custody of my son. Havent spoken to him since. Got a job (burger king) but at least it was a job! things started to get better. I started to feel good about myself for once.. then I met my now fiance & i was so in love he moved into my dads house with me two weeks after I met him. He worked/works makes decent money told me to quit my job to try to go to college.. which never worked out as I dont even know what I want to do. Have no clue honestly have no faith I could do it. 3 months into our relationship boom. pregnant. Again.. Things started to get hard going back to how I used to feel. Depressed & alone. my daughter is now one & we still live at my dads house. I Still have no job how could I even get a job w/ no background besides BK & 3 months of bar tending when my daughter was 5 months which I got fired for calling the cops when a lady was drunk driving. She said she doesnt like cops at her bar like wtf!?... plus we only have 1 vehicle, His truck & i'm taking care of our children. He had massive debt which we've finally paid off but now were broke from paying it all off no money to get another car which I was hoping for so I could get a job & maybe not feel so useless.. I'm back to my depression for being 24 & him almost 26 living with my family at my dad. It's so embarrassing. I dont know what to do anymore. Were fighting more than were loving each other.. I miss him. Im crying almost every shower I take begging god for help. My anxiety is through the roof as I do everything wrong. My depression is pushing my partner away & killing me inside. He says it's hard to him to understand when I'm a depressed 24/7. Dinner is cooked , house is cleaned for our family and my dad everyday. Kids are bathed & happy.. I'm the only one not happy.. I have thyroid problems which make me feel crazy too.. I'm losing it. Therapy isn't in option we don't have the extra money for that. I wish.. I'm on the edge of the cliff here & I want better for my children but I'm just depressed really depressed.. is it all me? Do I just need to suck it up & be happy like he says? I have no one to talk to .. Can anyone relate? Advise please?