Don’t understand

I’m so angry. I don’t understand how there are women who can smoke cigarettes, drink, take pills, do meth, do heroin, and their babies live. Their babies come out just fine. But here I am trying to do everything right and my babies can’t even survive inside of me. I feel like MY body is killing my babies, but for what? This is not fair. I HAD A HEALTHY pregnancy once, and a perfectly healthy child came from it. I could understand if I couldn’t have children to begin with, but knowing that my body carried a healthy pregnancy once before makes this process so much worse, because I know it is possible. I can’t help but be mad about it all.